I always said raising children is a shot in the dark because you have no idea what their future will be like.
If I could do one thing over in my life, it would be how I raise my daughters. Mostly, I would be kind, creative, and fun. I had no model for that. All the parents in my little town were stern and harsh.
Nevertheless, my daughters all turned out to be kind, creative, and fun. In spite of me. Not because of me.
At this point in my life, I have chosen to believe that my mother did the best she could. She worked very hard. She never let up. She was not kind. But there are so many good memories that I now choose to remember.
These days, child-rearing seems all about making children believe that they are the most important things in the world. Of course, they are, but I contend that they should never guess that. Self-esteem is about self. How you feel about yourself legitimately is not arrived at because a parent is constantly telling you how wonderful you are. David Sedaris recently commented that his brother praised his child for raising a fork to her mouth. There is a lot of truth in irony.
I saw the Mr. Rogers movie last weekend. It really is not safe to say anything negative about Mr. Rogers, so I won’t. But as for me, my love is unconditional. My “like” from time to time is not. I don’t always “like you just the way you are.” Your words and actions just may not be very likable on occasion. Parents of young children need tell them that. Being a parent is not a popularity contest.
Now, on to the point I really set out to make. We presently have as leader the free world, a man who was not raised with acceptance or affection. I have read this about POTUS’s father. I think Trump Sr. was always on little Donald’s case, and not in a loving way. I do not think kindness played a part. I have read that he later told his sons to get out in the business world and be killers.
So, as a result of that, among other things, we get a world leader who is so broken that much of his leadership or lack thereof seems to be based on who likes him. He says that a lot. “I think he likes me.” Leadership and public service is not a popularity contest either. This isn’t junior high, for heaven’s sake!
My grandson asked me a couple of weekends ago if I had any advise about how to raise a child, they had just announced that they were expecting, and I didnt really know what to say. I told him to be kind, gentle , caring and to make sure it knew how to read at the earliest point that it could learn. My children said I was none of the first three. They said it jokingly, I hope. Teach a child to read? That gives that child the tool to learn for themselves far more than we are able to teach them by ourselves. The thousands of books I have read in my life have formed me into the person I am, for good or for bad.
I know you to be kind, caring, gentle and generous. I must give my mother credit for teaching me to read when I was 4. What a gift!
You seem not to be responding to my emails. I hope I haven’t offended you or anyone else in your household. :-{
i have not been getting emails.
resend friend request. gcowan@aol.com is email address